Meditation's on Life

When I think about life, and the mistakes I make, day by day and year by year, and how I must disappoint my King, it makes me want to break down and cry. Then when I remember and reflect upon Christ's sacrifice, and its effects. I want to dance with joy. I try to do things for God, and am constantly surprised by the joy I find in the doing. I try to do things for myself, and from this I get little joy. I feel lonely, and see men about me with girlfriends or who are married, and I envy them that they know love. then I remember the love of God for me, and the comradeship of my brothers, and am content. For Now. It is said there for everything there is a season, and when I dream, I can almost hear God saying "not yet, it is not yet time" and I pray for the time to come quickly, and that when it comes, that I will be ready.